I suspect my spouse is hiding assets or concealing income but can't prove it, how is this handled in mediation? Matthew Brickman and Sydney Mitchell answer your most frequently asked questions about divorce as they go over several key points:
Assume nothing.
Know who you are before you get married.
Know who you're getting married to.
Know the laws and statutes in the state you live in.
Don't take advice from anyone who isn't a legal professional in the state in which you're getting married and living in.
Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.
Download Matthew's book on iTunes for FREE: You're Not the Only One - The Agony of Divorce: The Joy of Peaceful Resolution
Matthew Brickman President iMediate Inc. Mediator 20836CFA iMediateInc.com
ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN: Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.
Sydney Mitchell:
Hi. My name is Sydney Mitchell.
Matthew Brickman:
Hi, I'm Matthew Brickman, Florida Supreme court mediator. Welcome to the mediate, this podcast, where we discuss everything mediation and conflict resolution.
Sydney Mitchell:
Well, Hey everyone. I'm Sydney sitting here with Matthew on today's episode of Mediate This! This, we have been receiving tons of questions from you, our listeners, for us to talk about, and today we're gonna be tackling one of those questions. I suspect my spouse is hiding assets or concealing income, but can't prove it. How is this handled in mediation?
Matthew Brickman:
Pretty simple, Sydney. It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Um, it's the same way in a court of law. You can know it. And, and this is interesting Sydney, because usually when a couple is together, whether they're dating, living together or even married, there's my side, your side. And then there's the truth. When we decide to separate, well, it's my side. No, it's your side, but both of us really know what's going on. A lot of times, Sydney with this, it is, oh, well they had a side job. They're making cash under the table. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, it's a second job. I know this because they've been getting money for X amount of time. And I know about that. You know, you, I had one recently where there were like, they have a boat, right? How do you hide a boat?<laugh> right.
Sydney Mitchell:
You keep it out a friend's house, I guess.
Matthew Brickman:
Oh, you hide it in plain sight. He told his wife, he bought a boat. Well, he did in his brother's name.
Sydney Mitchell:
Oh no.
Matthew Brickman:
Hit it in plain sight. There's nothing to do. It's not his boat. Not titled to him. There's nothing. And okay, well he put half the down payment on it. I know he did it. Okay. Where is it? We went through everything. There's no monies of that amount. Any close to it ever going in an account, out of an account or anything. Mm-hmm<affirmative> and she swore that he had a second job making cash, had cash in a safe and gave his brother cash for the boat.
Sydney Mitchell:
Mm-hmm<affirmative>
Matthew Brickman:
It's not what, you know, it's what you can prove.
Sydney Mitchell:
That's what I was gonna ask. It's like, there are
Matthew Brickman:
These. And so, and so she knew it.
Sydney Mitchell:
You just ha you have to have cash.
Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. I mean, he knew it. She knew it, but you can't prove it. And he was, he hid a boat in plain sight. He's like, yep. I'm 50% owner of that boat. It was titled to his brother. It was bought by his brother with allegedly with a 50% cash contribution that nobody could trace.
Sydney Mitchell:
Right.
Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. I know it sucks. Right. It
Sydney Mitchell:
Goes back to the question, how is this handled in mediation? It's it's all just what you can prove. And you would tell somebody in media
Matthew Brickman:
And unfortunately, yeah, unfortunately, Sydney, that's the part of, and you know, you and I have have done in previous episode of my opening in mediation and what is my role? What is my job? And you know, I may tell you things you want to hear. I may tell you things you don't want to hear, but my job is to give you information, right? And so with something like this, this is where then I remind him of my opening that I gave him like an hour or two ago, whatever I'm like, okay, Sydney, this is the part of my job where I may tell you things you don't want to hear, but I gotta give you information. It's not what you, it's not what you know, it's what you can prove. And if you can't prove it, I don't know what to tell you. And I can't tell you how many times an attorney will tell me, well, Matthew, this is what the client believes. This is what they, this is what they've told me, but I've told them if we can't find it, mm-hmm,<affirmative>, there's nothing we can do about it. Um, now I will tell you this Sidney I've had, uh, I had a mediation years ago, um, the husband was a quarter partner of a business. Okay. Which means that the wife is entitled to an eighth of the business. Like she's entitled to 50% of his 50%. Right? Mm-hmm<affirmative> so, but she was like, it's a cash business. You know, he was like, here's our P and L and, and, and we don't have any money. And you know, after all this stuff and she's like, oh no, I know those books are doctored. And I know this I use. And, and of course, you know, what was her job? She was the one who did the books. Mm-hmm<affirmative> so she of course knows. Right? Like this woman knew because her job was to doctor the books. Well, then when he fired her, took the books away from her. Now she doesn't have anything and doesn't have any proof, but she knows. She know. I mean, like she knows because that was her job. Right? Mm-hmm<affirmative> so what happened though? Was this nobody, especially when you have partners, nobody wants crying eyes. So the mediation did not settle. The mediation did not settle. And so what happened was they said, well, we're gonna go do some more discovery. I guess what happened was the husband went back. He talked to his partners and being there, there really was a care. Um, the, uh, the partners did not want pry eyes. So guess what? They offered a buyout because they did not want her coming and tearing apart that company and finding out what was really going on. Cause they all knew, she knew, but they didn't want her to have to go through the exercise, approv it because they didn't wanna be exposed. So the partners agreed, Hey, look, offer this as a buyout. And she took the buyout. So sometimes what you know, you know, you know, and maybe you can use it to your advantage, but generally, if you can't prove it, you can know it all day long, but it doesn't really matter. Occasionally Sydney and I will be releasing Q& A bonus episodes where we will answer questions and give you a personal shout out.
Sydney Mitchell:
If you have a comment or question regarding anything that we discuss, email us at info@ichatmediation.com that's info@ichatmediation.com and stay tuned to hear your shout out and have your question answered here on the show.
Matthew Brickman:
For more information about my services or to schedule your mediation with me, either in person or using my iChatMediation Virtual Platform built by Cisco Communications. Visit me online at www.iMediateInc.com. Call me at 561-262-9121, Toll-Free at 877-822-1479 or email me at MBrickman@iChatMediation.com.