In this bonus episode of Mediate This! Matthew Brickman and Sydney Mitchell discuss lifetime alimony and spousal support after a long marriage that ends in divorce. They also explore what happens when a divorced spouse is paying alimony and the recipient gets remarried. Learn more about non-modifiable alimony and need vs ability.
Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.
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Matthew Brickman President iMediate Inc. Mediator 20836CFA iMediateInc.com
ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN: Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.
Mediate This!:
Hi, my name is Sydney Mitchell. Hi, I'm Matthew Brickman, Florida Supreme court mediator. Welcome to the Mediate This! Podcast where we discuss everything mediation and conflict resolution.
Sydney Mitchell:
Welcome everyone to today's bonus episode. Matthew and I are going to be tackling some of the questions that you, our listeners have submitted over the course of the past couple of months here. So do I have to pay alimony or spousal support for the rest of my life? And then I'm going to combine that with the following question and does alimony stop if my ex gets remarried?
Matthew Brickman:
Okay. So first one, do you have to pay alimony or spousal support for the rest of your life? It all depends on what your agreement says. Um, it really depends on, um, what type of alimony either you agree to, or the court orders. Um, if it is non-modifiable alimony of any type will then most likely you're going to pay it for the rest of your life. If it says non-modifiable for the rest of your life. Now this is non-modifiable for the next two years. Well then that's not for the rest of your life. Right?
Sydney Mitchell:
And this is something that two parties, you know, in the mediation process are agreeing upon.
Matthew Brickman:
Well, like I said, either they agree to it or if a judge orders it, so, okay. So, um, now if it's, if it's a lifetime alimony and maybe this question, and I don't know, I mean, it is however it reads, um, but if they have to pay the lifetime alimony, so say for example, I'll give you an example, like it's in Florida, the statute says that any marriage over 17 years could potentially be awarded lifetime. If all the other factors are all the other types of alimony are inappropriate and you have to get through all the factors in the statute need and ability. And then they look at all the different factors. So just, just because it's a long-term marriage does not mean that there's alimony. So many people think, Oh, I had a 17 year marriage. I'm entitled to lifetime alimony, not necessarily, you know, first you have to get past the first main factor of need versus ability. Then you've got to look at all the other factors. Then the length of the marriage simply tells you what type, maybe so rest of your life. So if either the parties agree, or if you go to court and a judge orders, lifetime alimony, it depends on the terms. You know, it might be lifetime, but modifiable at a certain point, modifiable if retirement modifiable, if you know, of course, if the wife gets remarried, um, or, you know, if the husband's getting, uh, alimony from the wife until the husband remarries. Um, so it, it depends, uh,
Sydney Mitchell:
Was let's say so there's really no, you know, blanketing answer to this question because everyone's
Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, there, there there's so many factors, fortunately, you know, in Florida we don't have an alimony calculator. Um, so we can't just pop it in like child support and say, okay, well, this is how long this is it. You know, this is how much, and, and you're done. Um, I have never in 13 and a half years, as of the date of recording this in 13 and a half years of doing this, I've never seen, um, lifetime Alabama till the day you die in any of my cases. Um, I've seen other judgments that had it. Um, I went to the alimony reform conference and 2019, I think it was, um, and there was a room full of people that had gone to court, you know, cause nobody, Sidney, I don't know anybody who voluntarily walks in and says, yeah, I'll pay alimony for the rest of my life. Like, I don't know anybody that is that, that, that I guess I want to say, I want to say that generous or that stupid. I'm not sure which one, but I don't know anybody that was really like, Oh, absolutely. My acts that I'm no longer going to be married to. I have no problem. We absolutely, I want to take care of her and I want to give her, you know, X amount of dollars. So until the day I die, I don't know anybody, but if a court does it, I have seen where yeah, it's, non-modifiable basically to the day you die. Um, and so, um, and so, you know, when does alimony stops? I guess this is then the follow-up question. Like, does it stop when they get, when the ex gets remarried? So the, so the simple answer is if you generally yes, generally. Yes. Unless your agreement and I've never seen an agreement like this, cause it's not even in the statute that if your agreement says that it goes, even if your ex gets remarried, because again, who's going to agree to do something that the statute would even provide for, unless you're that generous or that stupid, but, you know, so I've never seen it where, where somebody said, Oh yeah, I have no problem paying alimony until the day I die. Even if my ex gets remarried. No. Um, I mean, generally if they get remarried, you know, the statutes, I was like, you know, death of the party of either party. Right? Um, if, uh, if, if, if the ex gets remarried or is in a supportive relationship, I had one where the ex moved in with her boyfriend and they were splitting bills. Didn't get married, but alimony ended cause she's in a supportive relationship. Of course she tried to say it was a roommate. Well, that didn't fly well, because then they subpoenaed all of the documents when they found that they were splitting rent. And then they found that she was paying for his car payment and he was paying for her insurance. So they had combined car insurance, but it was under him and he was paying that, but she was paying his car payment and they were splitting groceries. And I mean, it was so co-mingled that there was no way, like no way you could argue. Yeah. Because, because Sydney, there's no way that you and I are going to move in together as roommates. And then I'm going to be like, yes. And they all pay your car payment. Right. I mean, unless we're in a relationship, right.
Sydney Mitchell:
Unless you're really generous or really stupid. Exactly.
Matthew Brickman:
Exactly. But I'm like, uh, and so, and so, yeah. Um, and so, so yeah, so on, so for that guy, yeah. His alimony terminated because no, she was not remarried, but she was in a supportive relationship, which means she didn't need his support anymore.
Sydney Mitchell:
What would happen if you know, someone is paying alimony, the person gets remarried and then a year later
Matthew Brickman:
Divorced, you bet you're just stagnant. Yeah. Now yeah.
Sydney Mitchell:
No opportunity to resume because I could imagine that person being like, all right, I'm single again. Where's that alimony, huh?
Matthew Brickman:
No. So, you know, and this is, this is one of my problems and I have a number of problems with, with alimony, but this is one of my problems with alimony. Is it? It is, it is the great discourager of relationships because you know, there are people that said, look, I, you know, yes, yes, Sydney, I want to marry you, but you know what? I don't want to lose my alimony. That's a huge discourage or of a relationship, right? I mean, but if people do it all day long, because there's a joke, there's, there's a joke that a friend of mine told years ago, he said, the first time you get married, you do it for love. The second time you get married, you do it for money. The third time you get married, you do it for the love of money. And it in alimony seems to fall in that vein of, you know what? I love you Sydney, but I love my alimony. Well, that doesn't really make you feel warm and fuzzy towards me. Does it like, uh, you know, and, and, and, but yeah, I mean, it, it, it was the great discourager of relationships, because look, if two people are in love and want to get married fine, but then they're going to weigh it on whether or not they're going to lose alimony or not. Right. That's and yeah, that's just one of my beeps with, with alimony. Um, but yeah, so the answer is yes, for the most part. So yeah, if your ex gets remarried, but there's other ways that it can terminate, but based on that question alone, if he ex gets remarried, unless your agreement otherwise says, um, and I don't know, a statute out there in any state that they would still get it while married. I've never seen that. It doesn't mean that was my next question. Is there any circumstance
Sydney Mitchell:
Under which somebody would continue to receive alimony?
Matthew Brickman:
I mean, unless they otherwise agree, but I look this podcast, it is informational. If you need to know about your exact state, your exact laws, go to the, go to Google, Google family law in your state, or contact an attorney to find out exactly. You know, I've never heard of it. I've never seen it. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Sydney Mitchell:
If you have a comment or question regarding anything that we discuss, email us at info@ichatmediation.com that's info@ichatmediation.com and stay tuned to hear your shout out and have your question answered here on the show.
Speaker 1:
For more information about my services or to schedule your mediation with me, either in person or using my iChatMediation Virtual Platform built by Cisco Communications. Visit me online at www.iMediateInc.com. Call me at 561-262-9121, Toll-Free at 877-822-1479 or email me at MBrickman@iChatMediation.com.