🧠Divorcing With a Child in Crisis: What Every Parent Needs to Know About Mental Health & Mediation

Divorce is tough. But when your child is dealing with mental health challenges, it adds a layer of urgency most families aren’t prepared for. In this episode, Florida Supreme Court Certified Mediator Matthew Brickman tackle the sensitive intersection of child custody, mental health, and mediation.

💡 Learn how mediation can provide a compassionate, structured approach that supports both parental rights and a child’s emotional needs—without escalating to court.

Whether you're navigating anxiety, depression, or neurodivergence in your parenting plan, this episode delivers practical guidance for putting your child’s well-being first.

 🎧 Have questions or stories to share? Email us at MBrickman@iChatMediation.com. 

If you have a matter, disagreement, or dispute you need professional help with then visit iMediate.com - Email mbrickman@ichatmediation or Call (877) 822-1479

Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.

Download Matthew's book on iTunes for FREE:
You're Not the Only One - The Agony of Divorce: The Joy of Peaceful Resolution

Matthew Brickman
President iMediate Inc.
Mediator 20836CFA
iMediateInc.com

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ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN:
Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Hi, my name

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

is Sydney Mitchell. Hi, I'm Matthew Brickman, Florida Supreme Court mediator. Welcome to the Mediate This podcast, where we discuss everything mediation and conflict resolution. Today I want to talk to you about mental health in children. So this week has been a particularly difficult week because I've been dealing with children that are experiencing mental health issues. And I have been doing mediation now at the time of this recording for 18 years. I've done over 3,350 mediations. And what I have observed through the years is that children that are experiencing mental health issues, children that are requiring doctors, therapists, maybe they've been baker acted for self-harm, they all have something in common. And what is in common is they are experiencing the result of two parents that hate each other so much that they're willing to put their children on the altar and sacrifice their mental health. So what do I mean by that? What I can do is I can give you what one judge made a specific written finding of fact in a paternity action where the mother and the father had been fighting for over three years in court. over a simple timesharing issue. And they had multiple attorneys, multiple mediators, and they wanted a judge to make the determination regarding the timesharing. In order to do that, the judge had to go through the 20 factors of best interest that are outlined in Florida statute and had to make a specific written finding of fact for every single factor in the determination for timesharing. Thank you for your time sharing. Both parents failed to put the minor child's emotional and physical needs of co-parenting from her parents above the dislike of the other parent. So again, both parties have such hatred for each other, such disdain for each other, that they fail to put the minor child's emotional and physical needs above above their own dislike of each other. Recently, I had, and I know this may shock some of you listeners, I had a four-year-old that was Baker-acted due to threats of self-harm. And both the parents had a history of nonstop litigation. Recently this week, I had a 16-year-old who was diagnosed schizophrenic, as well as autism. They were on the spectrum. And they had threatened self-harm and suicide. And the mother and the father were fighting over But what was found in mediation was it wasn't even just the mother and father. It was the new spouses. The new spouses behind the scenes were aggravating it. And so the mother and the father felt caught between the new spouse and their own child. And unfortunately, the child was being placed on the altar and sacrificed. due to trying to please the new spouse. And the child had been in and out of institutions as outpatient and then inpatient. And I pray for this child. I don't know what is going to happen to this child long term, but the parents can't seem to get past anything. one another, the feelings that they have, the disdain they may have for each other in order to be the parents that their child actually needs. If they were able to overcome that and truly look at the best interests of the child, then they would not be in this power play at the child's detriment. I had another mediation this same week where The child had threatened self-harm. And again, the mother was blaming the father. The father was blaming the mother. And neither of them could see... any solution whatsoever except going to court to let a judge figure it out. The problem is the court is not going to figure it out. The court will order that timesharing is going to happen. The court could order them into therapy. The problem is they're already in therapy and they're having issues. The minor child wants absolutely nothing to do with the father in that case, separate from the other one, does not even want to participate in therapy with the father, is afraid of the father. And the father actually said in mediation, the child should be afraid of him because he is the parent. He is the boss. The child is not the boss and the child should be afraid. Now, the guardian ad litem at that moment said, which was part of the case. And for those that do not know what is a guardian ad litem, on that particular case, it had risen to the level where they needed an investigator to come in and be able to make suggestions to the court, recommendations to the court, because they were the ones on the ground doing the investigation. They were talking with the doctors, the teachers. They were interviewing the parents. They were interviewing the neighbors. They were interviewing the child. And And... The guardian coming into mediation had already said that they believed, due to everything, that the father was the cause. But they had not heard until mediation the father actually admit that, yes, the child should be afraid of him. And that gave them great concern. And so, of course, their recommendation to the court was that there should be no time sharing whatsoever outside of any type of a therapy with a father. professional. And so, you know, the mental health issues that I see as a mediator, most of the time, are not just out of nowhere. They are in cases where the mother and the father have such disdain for one another that they fail to look at best interests of the child. It's a power play, it's an ego play, or there are hidden players at the table, which are causing even their stepchild, because they're not the biological parent, but they're causing the stepchild to spiral. And they don't seem to care because what they care about is their relationship with their spouse, not the child from another spouse. Again, they may hate that other spouse so much that then that is transferred to the child. Unfortunately, we're going to have a generation of that will eventually be running this country with mental disorders, schizophrenia, autism. We're going to have a lot of mental health issues unless parents can get to the point where they can put their own feelings aside. They can truly look at the best interests of the child. And as a mediator, My job is to help parents as much as possible to transition from a place of emotion into a place of being in a partner. Many times parents are, it's like a standoff, it's a face off. And it seems like it's a tug of war where it's he said, she said, me, you, it's never us, it's never them. There is no united front attacking the problem. And when a parent is attacking the other parent and there's a child involved, well, then as a child, they take that as a direct attack on them. So when a father bashes a mother to the child or in front of the child or allows a new spouse to do so, What that child interprets is whatever the father is saying about the mother being a piece of garbage or being a lesser human being. They then take that on themselves as though they are the piece of garbage. They are the lesser human being because that is their other half. And children will defend both mom and dad, even when they're wrong, because that's their parent. That's who at one point in time they felt safe and protected from the world by that person. You know, when a mother bashes a father, Or if either parent gets in the way of time sharing, that still then sends a signal to the child going, wow, that's my dad. And if she's saying that about my dad and I'm part of my dad and that's my protector, my provider, well, then I must be that way. And this just needs to stop. Parents, you need to stop this. You need to put your swords down and actually be loving towards the child. Now, Now, on the flip side, there are the occasions where a parent can be detrimental to the child. And so the protection, it's not a prohibition, it's a protection. And that's a very sharp double-edged sword of protection and prohibition. But you've got to check your motives. And it's an easy default to then simply say, oh, I'm doing this to protect the child. Are you really? Or are you feeling a motive? acting out of your emotions, and then that is then dictating your behavior. Because if it is unfounded, if it is an allegation that is unfounded, then you're getting in the way. The court is only going to deal with facts. They're not going to deal with feelings and they're not going to deal with belief systems. They will deal with facts. And so if there is a real problem and there are facts to back it up, Well, that's one situation. What I usually run into in mediation is not fact-based. It is fear-based or it is a belief system. But when I ask the questions about drugs, alcohol, arrests, Baker acting of the parent, incarcerations, there's no evidence. It's just, well, this, you know, I feel or I believe, but there's no evidence. So if there's evidence, that's one thing. if there's no evidence please please please check your heart check your motives check your mind and really really really put your own differences aside get rid of the disdain that you have for the other parent so that you can be the best parent that your child desperately needs because These children should not be Baker Act. These children should not be threatening suicide. These children should not be schizophrenic. They need to be children. And I wish everybody the best. If you need me in mediation, please give me a call. I look forward to helping you and your family get through difficult times.

SPEAKER_01: 12:36

If you have a comment or question regarding anything that we discussed, email us at info at iChat mediation dot com. That's info at iChat, I-C-H-A-T, mediation.com. And stay tuned to hear your shout out and have your question answered here on the show.

SPEAKER_00: 12:53

For more information about my services or to schedule your mediation with me, either in person or using my iChat mediation virtual platform built by Cisco Communications, visit me online at imediating.com. Call me at 561-262-9121, toll free at 877-822- 1479 or email me at